1. She
was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her
young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her
lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot
to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on
again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He
asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a
moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the
children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood
was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tyre; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was
wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she
said, "I sure wish I'd got to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are
we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it
about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.
At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try
to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keefrom attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not
sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The
grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keeher cool.
"That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's
simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a
teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know
what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy
confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day
when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck
was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keecrowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said
firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she
lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when
we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I
don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and
they blame their dog.
Have happy day!
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